Defusing email tensions: The count-to-10 rule (as many times as needed)
We’ve all been there – an email lands in your inbox and immediately triggers an emotional reaction. Maybe the tone rubbed you the wrong way. Maybe it contained factual inaccuracies. Or brought up a topic that pushed your buttons. In the heat of the moment, firing off a snippy response feels deeply satisfying. However, the momentary relief often leads to escalated conflict and strained workplace relationships.
A recent SHRM article, “8 Tips for Avoiding Conflict in Email,” highlighted how text-based communication is ripe for misunderstandings. Without the context of vocal tones, facial expressions, and body language, statements can be misconstrued, unintentionally offend, or come across as overly curt or harsh. Toss in political tensions and differing communication styles, and you’ve got a recipe for incendiary email wars.
That’s why I’m a firm believer in implementing a mandatory “count-to-10” rule when email tempers flare. If a message provokes a knee-jerk angry reaction, resist the urge to instantaneously fire off a heated retort. Instead, count to 10...take a walk...get a snack...or better yet, step away for a while. Essentially, create a buffer period to allow those initial emotionally charged feelings to dissipate before responding.
And often, you may need to count to 10 multiple times before clearer heads prevail. If you count to 10 and still feel agitated, count again. And again if needed. Repeat until you can approach the situation objectively and dispassionately. The momentary restraint can prevent words you’ll regret and avoid conflict situations that derail productivity.
Once cooler heads have prevailed, enlist additional perspectives before hitting send. Ask a colleague or friend to review your draft response to ensure the tone is professional and doesn’t contain unintended biases, hostility, or misinterpretations. You could even leverage AI tools to analyze messages for aggressive tones and suggest rewrites.
Ultimately, we all need to become more self-aware about our own communication styles and tendencies. Do you commonly fire off terse emails in batches without full context? Are you prone to passive-aggressive hints instead of direct statements? Recognizing your habits is the first step to avoiding written miscommunication.
In our digital world where emails reign, workplace conflicts are almost inevitable. But a little self-discipline to pause, reflect, and seek third-party review can go a long way in defusing tense situations. In other words, count to 10 as many times as you need to. Your workplace relationships will be better for it.