Who are “they” exactly? And what are their goals?

Recently, I read an article that resonated with my experiences. It was about a leader who was alert when their team said, “They won’t allow…” The leader would then ask who “they” were and would challenge their team member to have a conversation before making an assumption. Ultimately, this often resulted in either a better understanding of the reason behind why they couldn’t do something or, even better a collaboration to find a compromise that helped all areas reach their goals.

In my career, I often used this technique with my team. Helping them have the curiosity to understand why “they” decided on something or how “they” did things helped to find a path forward. Many times, it resulted in a productive conversation about competing priorities and some sort of compromise was worked out.

For example, one of these scenarios that comes up in companies big and small is the ability or need to delay the starting date for a newly hired employee. In my experience, the recruiter would advocate for a quick start, realizing that the candidate is unpaid and a delay would result in financial difficulty. Others in the process (IT, orientation, payroll, etc.) would want additional lead time to make sure everything was in place. The compromise was an accelerated alert process and an exception basis to make sure everyone was aware if there was a need to accelerate a start.

Conversations ensured everyone understood the competing priorities, and no one blamed “they” for the issue. As a leader, being alert for “they said” or “they won’t let us” language is key, opening the door to encouraging open communication and opportunities for growth, compromise — and sometimes — great organizational change.